Judaism: a localised faith with a sadistic deity either demanding sacrifices or committing genocide, with the idea that you get punished for eating pork or mixing shellfish with dairy products, or not mutilating the genitals of male infants. And then get sent to hell.
Christianity: a slightly better version where the god character raped a married woman and the resulting child grew up to be an itinerant preacher with a humanistic moral philosophy, and then got executed by the authorities for being popular, but the adherents to his cult gave him superpowers too just to be able to compete with the deities of the time, and have killed each other, ever since the stories about the man were compiled, over slightly different interpretations of what he may have said.
Islam: a later offshoot of the two above, with a new preacher declaring that he is on a divinely mandated mission, which then involves a lot of murderous military conquest. Also the customary punishment of people for eating pork or not mutilating the genitals of male infants, with drinking alcohol and allowing women to dress as they like as added offences leading to being sent straight to hell.
Considering all of the above, Easter may not be that bad since it now largely just means some holiday time with your family and eating a lot of chocolate, but it is still celebrating the gruesome crucifixion of a character presumably based on a real historical person, as if that were a glorious thing and could grant you absolution for anything bad that you've done. In short, at heart quite mentally ill.
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